"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
