Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
