last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
