i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
