So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
