There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
