Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
