We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
