worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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