Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
vagina is talking i cant
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I need a beard to bite.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo