At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
