All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
