I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
