We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
