i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
so much tequila, so little girl.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
