I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
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Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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