I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
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so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
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there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
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