hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
