I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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