Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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