Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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