I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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