i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
