just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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