are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
