apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
