i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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