I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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