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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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