My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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