hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
