I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
