Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
