Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
