Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
