you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
