can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
