Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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