im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
