On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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