did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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