remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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