I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
