He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
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Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize