This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
