I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just had sex on a roof
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
