I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
