dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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