Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
