I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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