i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
