If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
