Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
