fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
