I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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