Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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