she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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