I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
