My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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