you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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