I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
