You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
