I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
