That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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