I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
