One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
