It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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