if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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