im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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