I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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