I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
