So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
