The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
