she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
