you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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