In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
