Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
