Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
