Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
