His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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