after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
