if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
