it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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