The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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