She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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